There is a
well-known Japanese saying: "When you let the emotion prevail, you will be
swept away; When you let the intellect prevail, you will be too pointy like a
sharp rock. Either way, this world will
be an uneasy place to live."
(Original words by Soseki Natsume)
The bottom line; we have to have a clear mind eye (the third eye) not to
be swung by emotion or dwell too much on logic.
We need to find a balance/middle way.
Or, as Ho'oponopono may say, we are responsible for all happenings.
In this post,
I want to share my view on man and woman, man representing logic (as in focus)
and woman, emotion (as in dispersion).
OK, such may be an exaggeration.
Yet, going over my experience with woman and having gone through hurdles
as if to solve a puzzle - like passing a Zen koan, I would like to characterize
the difference of man and woman and offer possible solution. If you do not like my characterization, you
may just replace man as Kio (me) and woman as my girlfriend or partner (yes,
this is my interpretation):
1) Man tends to be focused on achieving his goal
rather single mindedly, as in hunting deer.
He is focused and put all energy to achieve his goal as if the family
depends on him to live. This is in man's
limbic system, programmed over millions of years. If this is not accomplished, our life cannot
be sustained. So, all of his talent is
focused on such task, and he cannot afford to diffuse his energy. Any disruption to do so is seen as
deterrent. Bringing food to the table as
well as finding the woman and procreate are two major focus in his life. Developing a strategy to be very
competitive/productive is in his genes.
One of my image then is a picture of billions of sperms trying to get to
the egg. Looks stupid in a way, reminding
me of commuting in Tokyo subway decades ago when I did that, but in Rome you
may need to do as Romans do. So, let's
leave it with that for now.
2) Woman tend to be dispersed in taking care of
varieties of tasks at home. Preparing
food, raising kids, taking care of sick, and creating/assuring the secure and
nurturing home. Of course, woman cannot
do this if there is no man helping to provide the shelter and bring food. So, there has been a division of labor
between man and woman so that there is a shared responsibility to have
harmonious whole like Yin and yang. Of
course, sexual intercourse is a representation of such unity and produce
anew. So, finding the right man is
certainly critical for the couple to live fully and harmoniously - an eternal
task lasting millions of years. Woman
entice man with all possible means (yet much more passively compared to man's
assertiveness), making them attractive to man who meet her criteria.
Attracted
like by magnet, millions of sperms swim toward the egg,
one will get in and
lock out the rest.
So, woman
competes for man like man does for woman as there are about the same number of
woman as man. Yet, woman's way seems to
be in her subtle, obscure 'femininity' as if man gets hypnotized by their
unknown attraction which is beyond the logic - commonly called as 'love.' But wait!
As the civilization 'progresses,' and technology provide more means to
pay attention to those subtle and obscure 'femininity,' have we not prepare our
own demise by further creating an unbalance?
Here are some trends:
1) In these
days, aren't there more woman than man to lay in the sun and go to yoga/pilates
class, etc.? Or, was it like that all
the history? Somehow, I do not think so.
2) Aren't
there more single parent mother than any time in history, even raising kids by
themselves?
Reflection
about My Life's Journey (Short side trip)
Talking about
the "progress(?)" of our civilization, we have more options to do so
many things in life. This is tied to
information overload. Yet, if not
careful, aren't there more room for confusion as to how we live our life? Where is the harmony in life? Aren't we too opportunistic materially and
else - even spiritually? If we are not
careful, we hit wall somewhere, somehow - eventually, and that is the reason to
go through this what I call "new hero's journey," isn't it?
Yes, there is
an end to our freedom of choice. It is
built in in our own mind when we notice it.
In other words, freedom is not liberation so far as we extend externally
too much. It is as if ego expands its
own limit infinitely. Greed connected to
freedom is not freedom, it is a bind to our own ego. So, I offered that Life Profile was a way to
find the balance we needed to have as I realized after my spiritual experience
(compared to that of Eckhart Tolle).
But, taking
this opportunity, let me quickly review, what has been 'my' life's journey all
about? Starting with the escape from
Tokyo as I wanted to explore the world, and to find more meaningful job/life
experiences. I fought against
competition to do this and that, then divorce and re-marriage, and next, more
altruistic mission to contribute to the society's future through business,
writing books, producing videos, traveling to 40+ countries, and making money,
and raising family along the way. Then,
I started to lose interest at work after accomplishing my original mission to
come to the US. Why? Because why repeat what I knew already?
So, I went
deep into my inner search, followed by spiritual awakening, and to realize new
orientation toward simple, quiet life.
After several years of peace and serenity, and another
separation/divorce, and I am back into the world with new orientation as if to
find a new relationship with this world - to confirm the true love as the
base.... and I am writing, reflecting... externally and internally....connect
to True Love...distinguish primary and secondary... I am revisiting all of
these in this blog... and to synthesize the entire field of my trip as I keep
moving forward...to live truthfully and sincerely.
Man and Woman
- and True Love
Now, with
those as background, let's look into man-woman relationship. Whether hunting deer or conducting business,
man has to make judgment to go right or left often at the moment notice and
this is in our genes - at least so I feel.
For example, although I need not to be too uptight as I age and with
certain financial security, if I see my son goofing off, I do not feel
comfortable even if I may not say anything to him.
But what
about the case of a woman where she is already financially troubled but is
confined due to her lack of attention or aptitude in running her business? When I was explaining to her the way out of
the trouble in a sincere manner, she mentioned suddenly such things as... "the western sky looks so
beautiful," "I see a couple
enjoying their time at the other table," "Let me check what is in the
refrigerator," etc. I just could
not understand when she could divert her attention from serious talk that may
impact her future to something totally unrelated. (However, we may say that she was living the
now as opposed to be occupied in thinking like I probably was, then.)
I cannot
generalize this as common trait to all women, but my male friends supported my
view and agreed that men and women are so different. Again, men are more focused and logically
oriented whereas women tend to be more dispersed and emotionally driven. Another friend pointed that women are
typically like this: "She goes to kitchen to eat lunch, but on her way she
found plants need watering, but while watering, she remembered to send an
e-mail. And as she finished e-mail, she
wanted to clean up the room so she did,,,, and forgot to eat lunch until very
late.
Whether tied
to our limbic system or not, men and women are so different. As to the talk about her business, I realized
that I was too caught up in it due to its urgency. Committed to help, yet, it could be seen as
if my ego wanting to run her life even though I believed in
self-management. Seeing where each of us
were, I resigned to help in a very committed manner, and created a space in between us. It was a hard decision to make because it
might open up more unknowns leading to the end of our relationship.
So, facing
such difficulty and not seeing what can be done any more, I sent this text to
her: "Whatever happens between us,
I love you as you are." It is the
same to say, "Although I feel my hands are tied (i.e., things
are out of my control and we may be separated because of that), my heart is
with you - always." What I realized
is, this is the same as, there are ripples and waves in the realm of secondary,
but connected to the Primary, or True Love, which is the eternal base of our
being, they are just ripples and waves - not too overpowering any more. (I call such state as mirror mind)
And
paradoxical as this may sound, while there may be sadness when things do not
work out, or feel that my hands are tied (ripples or waves - secondary), yet,
at the same time, I realized that there is this infinite reserves of Love -
true love (ocean - primary). So, I may
cry when something happens, but with deep smile to accept all and extend my
love to everywhere without any sign of negative feeling. That is what I mean, when I say, "I love
you." If I have ego as if to look
for something in return, I realize that I cannot say so. To me, that corresponds to what I call
"Living truthfully."
Perhaps some
may view my stance as idealistic or even naive, yet, truly and genuinely I
felt that I reached the true love, accepting who she is even if there are many
areas of disagreement in how we use our mind.
As reference,
here are words of Eckhart Tolle re: compassion:
"At...
deep level, compassion becomes healing...
In that state, your healing influence is primarily based not on doing
but on being.... When you are fully present and people around you manifest
unconscious behavior, you won't feel the need to react to it, so you do not
give it any reality. Your peace is so
vast and deep that anything that is not peace disappears into it as if it had
never existed... You become the "light of the world," an emanation of
pure consciousness, and so you eliminate suffering on the level of cause. You eliminate unconscious from the
world." (p.167 Eckhart Tolle, Power
of Now)
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